Author Jenn Schultz sits down with Erica to discuss her personal journey of overcoming comparison and competition with other women. They talk about the importance of recognizing that women are not enemies but allies in God’s Kingdom. Pro Tip: Stay grounded in scripture and prayer to counteract feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
Women's Event | May 9th
Catch hope & encouragement with Erica on weekday mornings from 5:00 AM – 10:00 AM, and Sundays from 12:00 PM – 2:00 PM.
TRANSCRIPTION:
Erica:
Her book is sitting on my nightstand. It’s called She’s Not Your Enemy. Author, Jenn Schultz, who’s also from our sister ministry, AllMomDoes is with us on the show today. Jenn, welcome to SPIRIT 105.3. How you doing?
Jenn Schultz:
I’m good. I’m running on a lack of sleep, but I’m doing pretty good.
Erica:
And that’s the perfect way to start this, Jenn, because I learned something about you that shocked me, and I have to know, why do you drink decaf?
Jenn Schultz:
Oh my goodness. Well, that started, I know, right in Seattle of all places. I started in 2020, I went a day without caffeine. I usually drank a couple cups of coffee a day, and I went a day and got so sick, and I realized there was something wrong there and I saw how it contributed to my anxiety, and so I started giving it up and just going to decaf. I mean, there’s some caffeine in decaf, but I went to decaf and it made such a difference for my physical and emotional health.
Erica:
How so? What’s the big difference that you saw in your life?
Jenn Schultz:
I did not feel so anxious all the time. I noticed it was affecting my sleep because I would drink a cup of coffee in the afternoon to kind of give me an extra jolt. It was, gosh, I just feel like my mind was racing. My body would be jittery and shaky after drinking cups of coffee, and it just made such a difference for me to just set it aside and say, let’s go with decaf. Let’s focus on that. And even now, if I have a Coke or something, it will change my whole mood and my whole demeanor for the day. It really does.
Erica:
Wow. Okay. Well, I admire you. I dunno if I could do it because I think for me, the problem is I love the taste of coffee so much.
Jenn Schultz:
Well, that’s why I couldn’t give it up completely.
Erica:
Yeah, you get it. Come on. That’s right.
Jenn Schultz:
I love the flavor.
Erica:
I am so thankful to have your company today, so happy that you wrote this book called She’s Not Your Enemy, and I want to ask you, who is “she”? How would you define, she?
Jenn Schultz:
There are all kinds of people who feel like enemies or feel like people that we’re at odds with. I know for me, sometimes it was the person who disagreed with me. Sometimes it was the person who had it all together and looked like she knew what she was doing and had life figured out. I felt like she was an enemy because I didn’t, and so how could I ever compete with her? Sometimes it was the woman in the mirror, and so I just felt like there were so many women that I wanted to address in this book, and so every chapter ended up becoming about one of these women.
Erica:
So who is she? If she’s not our enemy, who is this woman?
Jenn Schultz:
I know that there is an enemy. That’s what I’ll say. I’ll start there. There is an enemy. There’s an enemy out to steal our souls. There’s an enemy out to divide us from God and from other people, and God created us for community. He wired us so that we would need each other, that we would work together to build his kingdom. And so we’re allies. We work together. We’re part of God’s Kingdom together and we can grow it together if we can kind of get out of our own way and refuse the lies that the enemy is trying to stack against us.
Erica:
It is so true. What happens, Jenn, do you think when you and I quit competing and comparing, because those things are so exhausting, and we start living in the community that God designed us to live in?
Jenn Schultz:
Oh gosh, it is so freeing. I think a lot of the times we operate out of a scarcity mentality. We think there’s only so much to go around. So, her success threatens me. What she has and I don’t, that’s a threat to me, and it’s such a difficult way to live. We’re walking around carrying all this anxiety that we don’t have what we need or we’re behind or we need to compete and it just wears us out. And I think it’s so freeing to be able to set all of that aside and stand confidently in our identity in God and our purpose in Him. It just frees us up so much to be able to say, Hey, wait a minute. She doesn’t threaten me. She’s not my enemy. We can work together to glorify God and for the good of other people.
Erica:
I think that’s so awesome. I often like to imagine a bouquet of flowers, and I’m never really a fan of all the same flowers in one bunch. I like the ones that are all wild and put together. You might have a rose and a Gerber daisy, something like that. We’re all so different. God made us that way. So what happens when we see ourselves as distinct? Don’t you think that makes a difference in the way we live and see other people?
Jenn Schultz:
Oh, absolutely. I think I quoted the movie Hugo in my book, just that he says, “There are no spare pieces in a machine”, and that’s how it works in real life. God does not create spare pieces. You’re not some backup plan if something else goes wrong. God created you with purpose and he wants us all here just to live out our purpose confidently. He has plans for each of us. He gave us each gifts and we all work together to form this incredible body of Christ to be able to glorify God. And yeah, it’s a wonderful thing when we can really live out our own purposes, not worry about somebody else’s.
Erica:
What tipped the scale for you, Jenn? I’m curious because clearly this must have been an issue for you. You wrote a book on how to overcome this, so what was the tipping point for you?
Jenn Schultz:
Well, I got to a place of just burnout honestly. And it wasn’t just from comparison. It was trying to do all the things and be all the things. And really, like you said, we were each created for our own unique purpose. We have our own unique gifts, but I couldn’t see it that way. I could only see I have to do all the things because I need to do it all well and be it all well, and that’s a message of the world. That’s not in scripture anywhere that we need to do all the things and be all the things. And so I got to a point of burnout and I really had to some trusted friends, trusted advisors. I went to a biblical counselor who kept pointing me back to the Bible and saying, is that actually what the Bible says that you need to do all the things and be all the things?
No, it’s not what it says. Is that what Jesus did? Did he always make people happy? No, he didn’t. He sometimes disappointed people. Yes, there were all these questions where I had never stopped and taken a step back and really considered, wow, I have my own unique place. God loves me and chose me and adopted me. I am loved. I have a place here. And so I had never really stopped to consider those things. I’d always looked at myself in such a negative way and to see God’s character, his heart for me, his heart for all of us. That changed everything for me.
Erica:
And I’ve heard the phrase living from paycheck to paycheck, but you talk about living from checklist to checklist. You’re a hamster on a wheel that is so me. So often I feel like even when I’m sitting still, I’m moving because my mind is moving. So Jenn, it seems like you’re free. You are a hamster who escaped the wheel. What happens to your mind and your heart when you jump off that wheel?
Jenn Schultz:
It’s so freeing to not live in competition with other people. It’s so freeing to not feel like I’m living in scarcity, but I’m living in abundance. God is generous with us. He has all the things and all the powers. We’re operating on his power and his strengths, so we don’t run out of time. We don’t run out of energy. We don’t run out of resources when we’re operating on abundance, and that is such a wonderful feeling. And so I can’t say that I’ve graduated completely and I’m done with comparison now and I’m the expert or anything like that, but now I can start to see the lies for what they are, and be able to call out the enemy for what he’s trying to do and go back to the truth of God’s word, his heart and his character.
Erica:
Yes, absolutely. I’m going to say a word that nobody likes to think about and it embarrasses us when we say it, jealousy because, and it is something that we all feel. So Jenn, I’m going to give you a scenario. This might be in the workplace, this might be in your small group, your neighborhood. All of a sudden something happens, someone says something, someone does something, and the green-eyed, monster strikes, right, and you feel jealous. What do you do in that moment to counteract it?
Jenn Schultz:
Well, hopefully, I would hope, I know this is not in the moment, but I’m hoping that you’re building up resilience for those moments by being in the scriptures, being in the Word, being in prayer with God, working out your own heartbreaks and your own challenges and questions with God so that when you get there, it’s not such a massively overwhelming thing. But I know for me, taking a step back, really looking at the situation, asking myself what insecurity I’m trying to fill by competing with this person. I know sometimes I’m just really asking God, am I loved? Do you love me? Do you see me? Do I belong? Do I have a purpose here? Instead of, it’s not really about me versus her. It’s me asking God these important questions that go back to my own insecurity. And a lot of times when I step back too, I realize I don’t really want what that person has.
If I really label it and look at what it is, I’m like, I don’t want their life. I don’t want the big glamorous, I don’t know, glamorous life on social media or all the followers. I don’t really want that. Really what I want at the end of the day is to know that I belong, to know that I’m walking in purpose and to know that I’m with God. And so to take a step back from it, take a moment, pause, look at the situation, address the insecurities, and address the lies that Satan’s trying to deceive you with. Those are my recommendations in that moment. And then later maybe interact with that person a little bit more, find out more about their story. There’s probably more there than you realized. It’s not just the highlight reel. There’s probably more there to how they got to where they are, and you can celebrate with them a little bit more when you know that story.
Erica:
Amen, sister. Wow. Okay, so when you were speaking, I had this image, you know how when there is a police officer and they find themselves in a sticky situation and all of a sudden they get on their little walkie-talkie or whatever it’s called, and they’re like, backup, I need backup. I feel like when you and I are in the Word of God, when those moments come, that’s what we’re saying on the inside, okay, Lord, “Back up!” Remind me of what you said in your word. And so I really appreciate that. The next time it happens, I’m going to be like back up. Not out loud. Don’t say it out loud.
Jenn Schultz:
Call in. Call in the resources too. Talk to a friend. Make sure that they can help you see clearly, so you’re kind of outside of your own perspective.
Erica:
Oh my goodness. Well, listen, I could talk to you all day and we’ll have you back, but I’m super excited that we are going to be having a girl’s night together. This is happening this May, and we, it’s just going to be a night of encouragement, decaf coffee if you like, latte, whatever you like, it’s going to be awesome. Why do you think a girl’s night is so important? I mean, because let’s face it, if I look at my Google calendar, it doesn’t often say fun or refreshment, but this is an opportunity to put those two words on our calendars, right?
Jenn Schultz:
Yeah. That’s not something that I typically add to my calendar either. I think something we want right now so much is community, and I think we want a lot of revival. I think we’re all post pandemic looking for relief from some of our burnout, and we want to do that with each other. I think, I don’t know. For me, I don’t always know where to start with that. I don’t know where to go, where to meet my people, and so this will be a great place to come meet your people, meet people who are like-minded and wanting to worship God together. I think it’s going to be awesome.
Erica:
Oh, it is. Can’t wait. Text LADIES to 89419 to come hang out with us. It’s going to be so awesome. We want to hug your neck. Jenn Schultz, it’s an honor. I absolutely love you. Let’s do this again soon.
Jenn Schultz:
Yes, please. Thank you, Erica.
Erica:
Take care.
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