Finding Energy When You Feel Depleted In Marriage

The day was dragging on and my attitude was trailing behind it - covered in messy, unattractive responses towards my husband and my son. I had been chasing my toddler around the house, trying to save his life from the daring stunts he had become so proud of, such as standing on top of our kitchen table, brimming with enthusiasm and the courage to walk right off the edge. Amidst being a human shield, I was fighting thoughts of inadequacy, wondering if I was teaching my son enough. I had bought him some flash cards, but they sat on the shelf for weeks right next to our mounds of laundry taunting me and growing ferociously large.

I juggled between making food and washing the dishes, both of which ended up piling up in the kitchen, adding to the mess - fuel for the attitude that was stirring inside my heart. Through sighs and fights to push back tears, I endured, waiting for my husband to get home. I could not wait to hear that door squeak open so I could throw my hands up in the air and cry out, “It’s your turn!” while running towards freedom. My dream sounded a bit dramatic, but my energy was depleted and I needed to be revived.

This was not the first time I had experienced a chaotic day with insecurity pressing me downward and it would not be the last. Unfortunately, my attitude would often inflict injury to my marriage as I threw my hands up and spit those selfish words towards my husband. Although my energy was seemingly drained from my body, my mind, and my heart, I had no regard for the energy my husband had depleted that day. In justifying my needs to be revived, I explained how mothering and maintaining the home is exhausting, yet in doing so I often neglected my priorities as a wife, I neglected intimacy in marriage.

If you can relate, I want to take a moment to validate your exhaustion. I get it. We do so much throughout the day, and our energy is depleted. However, if we neglect our marriage because of this issue, if we allow our attitudes to reign wildly, then we will experience marital erosion. I want to help revive your heart for your husband and inspire you to find the energy to invest in marriage, regardless of what your day looks like.

I hope you can apply these vital disciplines and experience a joyful end of the day!

1. You must find your value in God. In our weakness, our insecurities seem to amplify. Do not give in by accepting those negative thoughts as truths. Instead, read the Bible and allow God to renew your strength by believing what He says about you!

2. Pray! And then pray some more! Ask God to help you throughout your day. Trust in Him and rely on Him to refill and revive you. Ask Him to excite your heart to invest into marriage and to have the energy to do so.

3. Take a moment to breath deeply. Feel your lungs expand and deflate. Acknowledge that fact that raising children, maintaining a home, investing into marriage, working, and whatever else you desire to accomplish or enjoy requires energy. Expect to deplete it and keep your perspective about that truth be positive, knowing that you were created for that to happen.

4. Energy is a good thing and we need it to thrive. Be aware where your energy level is and don’t overextend by saying yes to commitments that you cannot fulfill or might hinder you from excelling in your top priorities.

5. Your energy level can drastically be increased by eating clean and exercising. Be sure to fit in healthy meals and workouts. Although this seems counterproductive, especially working out, it will build your stamina and give you what you need to finish the day strong and then sleep well.

6. Greet your husband when he gets home with joy and adoration. Then respectfully ask him for some alone time and excuse yourself for a moment and take time to do something for yourself whether for a minute or five. Give yourself a small break without taking advantage of your husband’s need for down time. Communicate each other’s needs and compromise so that each of you feels fulfilled. This will look different for each marriage.

7. Finally, be intentional about showing your husband physical affection. Fight the urge to justify why you shouldn’t and do it anyways! Your husband will be revived, in turn he will be encouraged to reciprocate by connecting with you. It is amazing how intimacy in marriage actually does rejuvenate and revive us! Try it!

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  1. Sarah Taylor posted on 07/11/2014 12:33 PM
    My favorite part is that Jennifer validates the exhaustion before giving advice!
    1. jennifer posted on 07/16/2014 12:12 AM
      @Sarah Taylor Oh that is great! I didn't even realize I was doing that!
  2. Shannon Chilson posted on 07/11/2014 01:09 PM
    I needed to read this today! Thank you Jennifer for honestly sharing your struggles as a parent and a wife. I am recently struggling with this very topic of feeling depleted and having nothing left to give. I am so blessed by your words today. They have helped to breath new life into my heart! Thank You!
    1. Jennifer posted on 07/16/2014 12:13 AM
      @Shannon Chilson Shannon I appreciate you leaving this comment! You inspire me too and I value your friendship! I am praying for you in your role as a wife and as mother, trusting that God will strengthen you! Hang in there!
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