Swimsuit Shopping

I just received an Email from one of my favorite stores.  The tagline was:  “The Swimsuit of Your Dreams”.  Seriously?!  The swimsuit of my DREAMS? 

If I had a say in the matter, we’d bring back the suits from the turn of the century (not THIS century, the last one).  Give me a full skirt to my knees and I’d be a happy camper.  Except for the fact that they made those old suits out of wool.  Who thought that would be a good idea?  Because wet sheep smell fantastic.

Anyway, every couple of years I panic and think, “What if I suddenly have to go to the Bahamas and I have no swimsuit?!”  Really, Ann?  How likely is it that some stranger in the Bahamas requires me to fly in and swim with them?  But, this logical side of my brain is mostly ignored in Ann-Land and so, I run to the shops to try and find an emergency swimsuit.

In my youth, I would peruse the racks of swimsuits with this criteria:  Do I like the material?  Does it look current and modern?  Will it show off my tiny figure to advantage?

I have an entirely new criteria now:  Is it a dark color to create the illusion of a thinner body?  Does it have padding to, you know, lift stuff?  And, does it have a skirt to hide my thighs?  

Once I find all that in my size, what’s next?  Trying it on?  No!  Are you kidding me?  With the multiple mirrors?  And, that flourescent lighting?  Nope, I just throw that dark, padded, skirted monstrosity into the cart and buy it.

Once home, I put the bathing suit into the darkest recesses of my closet and wait for someone from the Bahamas to call me.  I now have enough swimsuits (with the tags still on them) to open my own shop.

And, while I know that I shouldn't obsess about my body and that God loves me just the way I am, I think my body tells the story that I have lived a long life, love sweets and hate exercise. Which means you will likely not catch me in a bathing suit.  That is...unless that stranger calls and I run into you in the Bahamas someday.  Hey, anything is possible in Ann-land.

So, what are your thoughts about swimsuit shopping? Love it? Hate it?

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